Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My daughter

OCTOBER 11...the day that Eliza's adoption was finalized in China. Two years ago. I am so in love with my daughter, all of her. I love her facial expressions. I love how close we are. I love the way that she kept staring into my eyes while grocery shopping yesteday and all the while with a pure, happy smile on her face. It is such an enormous and yet love-filled notion to think that a child looks to you for everything. That you are their one person; their safe place; that they can be themselves with. Eliza reminds me every day of how gentle and true her heart is.

Something I didn't share about our Yangdong reuinion trip (to Kansas) was a moment that happened at the pool. Eliza comes alive at the pool and that day, she was practicing her jumping and diving to me. Jaiden, Julie's daughter, was enjoying it and wanted to be a part of it and the two girls had lots of fun taking turns. After some time, Jaiden finally fell asleep on one of the lounge chairs. So, we started packing our things up and suddenly, Julie and I both looked over and witnessed Eliza down on her knees beside the lounge chair and sleeping-Jaiden. She took Jaiden's thumb out of her mouth and proceeded to hold her hand. Quietly, she turned her head away from Jaiden, still holding hands and stared out into the view of a pond and grass area. For me, it was akin to a sister moment or to the times I'd visit Dad in the nursing home and just hold his hand and sit quietly together. My daughter. Serene. Strong. Kind. And most importantly, knowing. In that moment, I believe she knew who Jaiden was and remembered the time that they lived together in that room in Yangdong. It was beautiful and no, we didn't have our cameras with us.

That memory of Eliza and Jaiden affects me as much as the memories of visiting Yangdong two years ago and leaving behind the beautiful children who were still waiting for families; the uncertainty of their lives and the fading promise of a family as they aged in the orphanage. It tugs at me. I was reminded of that today when I was looking at Kelly's blog and she posted some pictures I had taken that day in Yangdong of her daughter. Now I know why my heart has been led to the older children on the waiting lists...and one in particular that we're paperchasing for (can't tell you anything more yet). It's a tribute to my beautiful Eliza's heart that on this anniversary month, we're working to bring home a sister from China.


Truly Blessed! said...

Beautiful. Simply beautiful. The post, your description of Eliza and Jaiden at the pool, your love for the children of China and your beautiful mother's heart.

I cannot wait to rejoice with you when you are finally able to hold your second daughter in your arms and introduce her to Eliza.

What a beautiful journey adoption is -- such a picture of God's love for us.

The Montieth Family said...

Oh Sarah,
Your entry left me blubbering and running for the kleenex. You write SO beautifully! I can just picture Eliza looking into your eyes (as you shopped for your granola and yogurt, and wine~;P)...I have seen her look at you this way.

And, your comparison of Eliza to your dad was just so pure and simple--loved that. I *KNOW* that Eliza understood the connection between her and Jaiden (and Emma), Eliza has the gift of being intuitive--she sees it all--everything that many of us miss. I wish that I had stayed at the pool a few minutes longer that day so that I could have seen it.

I understand your pull to an older child (I have the same pull for #3...don't tell Greg!!!). I can not wait to see you and Eliza again with your new daughter too. She is going to be one very lucky girl...Just like Eliza...and you will be doubly blessed. : )

Hugs!!!!! Megan

Tiffany said...

Oh Sarah what a beautiful post and thank you for sharing!!!!!!!!!!!

You brought tears to my eyes!!!!

We didn't get to travel to Yangdong and I appreciate the things you have shared about it.

Miss E is such a precious angel!!!
Happy Gotcha Anniversary!!!!

Tiffany said...

Oh my goodness I forgot to mention congrats on the news you can't tell us anymore about..... I am so excited for you and can't wait to hear more!

C&J Meaklim said...

Oh my...I have tears in my eyes after reading your post! That's amazing news Sarah! Oh Eliza is going to be so thrilled! :) I am so excited for you all. God is good.

You have a beautiful daughter, happy gotcha anniversary Eliza.

Love, Jill xoxox

Rachel said...

Oh Sarah - your post brought tears to my eyes. The image of her holding Jaiden's hand and looking out over the pond is just so touching and heartwrenching at the same time.

Congratulations on paper chasing on another little girl! I can't wait to read/hear the news. I just mentioned to Jeff this weekend that part of me would love another daughter and that if we did go back it would be for a 3-5 year old. Of course, whether or not we could handle 4 kids is another questions!

Congratulations on 2 wonderful years and here's tomany, many more!