Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day...for a real mom

5 month old Hogan...
waiting for the man who fills these
shoes to come back outside and play!

Determined to ride the scooter like the big kids!

Helping mom wash dishes...
her favorite thing these days!


So, I'm giving this blogger world a try...that means all you blog experts out there, feel free to help me out when you see my mistakes or struggles! I thought it would be appropriate to start with a Mother's Day entry, so here it is:

I had my first "who's her real mommy" experience. I had read about these discussions; I had even thought I was prepared for how to answer it. When it happens though, I suppose it's never an appropriate time for that "prepared answer". On the flip-side, Eliza did something so amazing while this was happening that it left me glowing through Mother's Day!

So, let me tell you what happened. We were at Chick Fil A, both Mommy, Daddy and Eliza, enjoying some inside playtime. This is our favorite place. So, this boy walks up and asks if I'm Eliza's mommy. My reply, with a warm smile, "Yes." "Is she Indian?" "No, she's Chinese-American" (again with a warm smile, as other parents are listening in). "Who's her Daddy?" Daddy speaks up and proudly claims the role and then tells the boy that Eliza was adopted from China. So, then the boy says, "Where's her real mommy." Now, I'm feeling annoyed. I told him that I'm her real mommy. He argues back, "No, her real mommy." I said, "Do you mean the woman that gave birth to her (realizing that was probably way over his head and immediately feeling embarassed)? He looked at me and said, "Her mother in China. You not her mother." I said, "I am her mother. She is my daughter. Where is your mother?" He paused then said, "When are you going to take her back to her mother so she can see her." YIKES!!!!! I said, "We don't know who Eliza's birth family is. We are her family and we will always be together."

I excused myself from the conversation. I was shaking. I know my face was probably flushed. Wouldn't you know it, in those moments, when you don't think your toddler understands anything you're saying, they can do the most amazing things. During this conversation, Eliza kept coming down the slide and looking for acknowledgement from me at her accomplishment (I'm usually telling her what a good job she's doing, squeeling about how fun that looked, how fast, etc.). So, she came down the slide, came over to me and looked me right in the eyes and kissed me on the lips. She then began doing it every time she came down the slide. She'd come over with the biggest smile, lean in and kiss me on the lips. It was the sweetest kiss! The best affirmation! I don't know whether she understood what we were talking about or whether she was just so happy and realized I wasn't paying attention to her or what...??? But, the timing was perfect and it was also the first time that Eliza had EVER done that, spontaneously. It certainly got all the "awes" from the other parents watching and listening. How 'bout that! That was THE best Mother's Day gift I could've received.

3 comments:

Truly Blessed said...

Oh I hate that you had to have such a conversation...but even worse that it was with a child (without parental supervision, unfortunately). How frustrating.

Though you probably didn't make a dent in the boys' understanding of adoption, it's good that you kept up with the strong and positive answers you gave him. Maybe someday he'll think about that conversation, or maybe he went to ask his mom about it...let's hope for the best for him!

How lovely that your sweet girl gave you such warm fuzzies just when you needed it most. Children are amazing, aren't they!

Love your new blog. Can't wait to see and read more about the divine Miss E!

Carmen said...

I had the same thing happen to me, but with Livvie's friend during a playdate...going back and forth "you're not her real mother" "Yes,I am" etc.etc. Livvie was present reading a book on the sofa, looked up and said to her friend "MARIA I was born in the tummy of another lady, but CARMEN is my REAL mommy, OK?" End of story! I love my kid :)
Ms. E is adorable (just like her REAL Momma - that would be YOU!).Carmen

Tiffany said...

I am SO happy that you are blogging now! I can't wait to follow Eliza's blog!
Hogan looks so cute and Eliza is such a little beauy!

I can only imagine how frustrating that conversation was.... I felt frustrated with that child just reading about it... What a little sweetie Eliza is and perfect timing!

Happy Mother's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!